The Redemptive Birth of Micah

I started having mild contractions and what felt like abdominal tightening and pelvic pressure 7 days prior to your birth. You were initially transverse, then posterior, then asynclitic so I knew you were working hard to move into the optimal position for your birth. I could feel you rotating and it was confirmed via ultrasound a few days prior. I saw Dr. Lauren with Abound Chiro for a chiropractic appointment where she used Webster and spinning baby techniques and Anna from Of the earth for a Arvigo womb massage, bodywork session and vaginal steam. I walked daily, used my birth sling when the pressure waves became more intense and practiced my breathing and hypnobirthing meditations really trying to ground myself and ease my nervous system. I met with Anna and Natasha twice prior to your birth and had huge breakthroughs with reframing the story I had told myself for five years after your brothers birth when your dad slept the entire time. I had a lot of unresolved anger and had told myself I wasn’t supported, which was not true at all. Your dad is just NOT a doula or comfortable in hospitals. I spent time with Anna walking in the neighborhood, letting the tears flow from frustration of not knowing when you would come. I wanted you here with us. Your grandma came two days after I lost my mucus plug when contractions started and I really wanted to use the three weeks she was graciously giving to us postpartum and not waiting for you. We were all ready to meet you. I surrendered and trusted you with your timing.

On Thursday at 5:30pm we went for a walk with Christian and grandma and I felt my water breaking. Your brothers waters broke first and I was told this wouldn’t happen again. I debated on whether we should go directly to hospital because I wanted to avoid all interventions, particularly pitocin, but I also didn’t know if you would come fast since I had been having surges for 7 days. I originally planned a home birth with a midwife, but I also knew I wasn’t prepared to have a car birth with your dad being afraid of blood. We decided to go to hospital after talking to my OB Dr. Pallister and arrived around 830pm.

 I asked to be hooked up to portable monitoring so I could move around and not have my IV hooked up. Dr. P came and “checked” my cervix. I was 1cm dilated and not effaced at all. I I hadn’t allowed any cervical exams my entire pregnancy (minus the one the covering OB did without my consent at 36 weeks). I knew the cervix didn’t follow a neat timeline that hospital systems often follow. She said “sometimes people’s cervix just doesn’t dilate on it’s own. You thought you were in labor, but you weren’t.” I immediately started sobbing because I knew all these things were untrue. I knew my body was in prodromal labor and had been preparing for days. She suggested we start Pitocin to avoid infection, like I had experienced with my son’s brith and to speed things up for safety. I knew I did not want Pit after my first experience. Neither of us tolerated Pit and my recovery was extremely challenging. I texted my friend and doula Anna for support and she immediately walked in the door, she knew I would need her even before I asked her to come. We negotiated with Dr. P, who was very kind as I sobbed in frustration and I said “give me 6 hours to sleep before cervical recheck, if vitals look good and contractions are intensifying, we can recheck and determine if Pit is necessary?” She agreed, thankfully. I prayed and told you I trusted you completely. You’re presence even inside my womb was so calming and grounding to me. By a miracle, two sound machines and ear plugs (to block our your dads intense snoring), I slept for 4 hours in the hard hospital birthing bed.

Anna went home and said she would return after the 3am cervical recheck. The nurse came in at 3am to recheck my cervix. I was 2cm. Progress, but I was again very discouraged, but texted Anna “we both know I can go from 2cm to 10cm in 4 hours.” She told me to reorient my mindset towards opening up and not avoiding Pitocin. I negotiated again with the RN to leave me unbothered and undisturbed to labor until shift change in 4 hours as we were well ahead of the “24 hour clock to avoiding infection and I had made progress as the intensity had picked up and I was 80% effaced now”. She agreed after speaking with Dr. P and literally left me alone the rest of the night.

Anna came back once I texted her at 430am when I finally understood what “contractions so intense you cannot talk or walk or breathe through them anymore” felt like. I had been moving from the bed rocking my pelvis in all directions to sitting backwards on the toilet and I just could not manage the intensity I felt in my lower uterus and sacrum. Anna came immediately and brought cleary sage oils to put on my face, coconut oil to massage my feet and put intense pressure on my hips and sacrum. We moved together in perfect harmony like she was inside my head from the toilet to side lying in bed with peanut ball to hands and knees to me pushing my hands outstretched into the head of the bed and my feet into her strong hands. She provided hands on, highly skilled deep pressure techniques exactly where I needed them every other minute. I thanked you for making progress on our own with each wave and knew I could get through 60 seconds of the pain and pressure with a 60 second break in between.

Each thirty minutes required something different as you descended into my pelvis. My amniotic fluid was flowing intensely and constantly at this point. I listed to my birth playlist and my mind went to an alternate reality – the ultimate transcendent meditation. I felt so safe and supported and seen and encouraged by Annas hands and words of encouragement “you’re doing it. You have all the women who have birthed before you and after you supporting you right now. Keep going.” Each wave felt like it would break me in two, but thanks to my preparation with Bernadette, a midwife in Australia, I knew this was purposeful pain and not pathological. You knew what to do. I trusted you. As I pushed into the head board and into Annas strong steady hands at the end of the bed, I breathed and moaned through each minute. She reminded me to keep my moans low and my mouth open. Each break felt truly orgasmic. A gift. A reprieve. Like warm honey was pouring over me.

After two intense hours of every other minute contractions, I reached a point on the toilet where I thought “I cannot do this anymore.” I knew then I was in transition thanks to B’s birth training. I said to myself “no, you can. You’re about to meet your baby.” I checked myself and felt my labia and clitoris as swollen as ever. I knew you were about to be here. I barely made it back to the bed. I lost track of time. Anesthesia MD came in as I was getting into all fours, the only position I could tolerate at this point. He was trying to consent me for an epidural. I yelled, “she’s coming, it’s too late, they don’t work for me anyway please LEAVE.” My good girl syndrome was healed. She gone. I went into primal mode. How freeing. I felt the most intense pressure in my pelvic outlet and told Anna “shes coming. Put pressure on my perineum because I can’t control this at all.” She asked if I was feeling pushy. I yelled YES! One big ROAR as Anna reminded me to “stay low with your tone, open your mouth as I was getting screamy and high pitched with the intensity.” One big primal warrior ROAR and I felt your head emerge. I didn’t push at all. I felt my uterus take over. Five seconds later, and another large ROAR, and your body came. At this point, the whole floor of RN staff was in the room from the noise telling Anna “we need to check her.” Anna stood firm with the pressure on my perineum and said “No, the baby is coming. No need.” They kept lifting the sheet to look, she kept putting it down as she could feel your head in my sacrum moving posteriorly. I felt you slowly descend to the bed softly as I was only a few inches elevated on hands and knees. I immediately turned over to my back over your cord and I heard you cry. A beautiful gift. You came with the sunrise my Micah Soleil.

 Your entire pregnancy has been a gift of stepping into “what if you are supported? What if it’s better than you could imagine? You can trust yourself now. You know what you need and have built an entire community.” I have a sign in my clinic that reads “The Sun Will Come Up” because for nearly three years after your brothers birth, I wasn’t sure it ever would. Once I called you in and I felt you move in my womb, I knew you were the Sun. You’re brother always says “mom, the sun follows me wherever I go! How come?” I knew you were our Sun.

 I looked up and saw 6 nurses and a doctor hiding behind the curtain. Anna’s protective warrior goddess energy said “back the F up, we got this ya’ll.” Did I mention she’s in midwifery training and has attended free births? She is truly so skilled and trusts birth fully. The on call doc showed up and “birthed my placenta” which came about 20 minutes later. The biggest relief of pressure. Thank you for the nourishment. Anna stayed by my side to advocate for my post birth wishes for you and me for the next several hours. She fed me warm bone broth with turmeric and ghee that tasted like nectar from the Gods immediately post birth. I was so thankful I was eating and drinking the entire labor while I was left undisturbed because it truly sustained my energy for the intensity of the last 2 hours.

I’ve never felt more powerful. More embodied. A birth completely undisturbed in the hospital, deeply supported and seen and known and encouraged. We did it together. I trusted you. You trusted me. Two hours of intense and epic active labor and two seconds of pushing phase with fetal ejection. Just like I had envisioned the day before I conceived you.

I’ve spent the past five years supporting women and families in birth preparation and now I’ve experienced my own EPIC, empowered birth. Thank you. You are a gift. You are so loved and adored. You helped me return to myself and my feminine power. Every women deserves to experience this epic right of passage.